This story is not for the weak of heart.
I sit at my computer desk as a fluorescent lamp hums, casting it’s white light downward. Directly in front of me sits my on ally-enemy, the iPod.
“So iPod, we meet again. Do you have one choice to make here: do you want to work and play music?”
The iPod, thinking I’m hungry, shows me an apple. “Click. Click. Click.” The iPod pretends to play dead.
“Nice try iPod, but I know that you were playing music the other day in the office just fine. But once we got to the car, you thought you could just choose not to do so.”
The iPod shows me a folder and an exclamation mark.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. You just stopped working because you “didn’t want to” anymore. You know what happens when you try to play stupid with me. You get hit. You don’t want to get hit again, do you?”
Not wanting to be hit again, the iPod shows me a picture of a sad iPod.
“No, it’s too late for you to feel regret for your actions. Last night you started working but “forgot” my songs and playlists. This morning, when I went to go put songs on you, you had no idea what I was talking about. Well, I’m tired of dealing with these issues. It’s time to show you I mean business.” I reach for the iPod, placing it LCD down on the desktop.
“Click! Click! Click!”
“No, this is the way it must be.” I grab a fine-tipped flat-head screw driver and begin prying the back of the iPod off.
“Scratch! Snap! Snap!”
“It’s for your own good, iPod! This hurts you as much as it hurts me for doing it!” Eventually I pry the metal backing off the iPod.
“Click…click…click…”
“It’ll be over soon.” I tap the hard drive a couple times. “Remember. Damn you, remember!”
“Playlists. Rock List. On-The-Go.”
“Yes, that’s right iPod. Now, what’s in Rock List?”
“1000 Yard Stare. 11:59. 45. Above. Alien. All…”
“Stop. That’s good enough. Play 1000 Yard Stare.”
“The hidden - undiscovered, It was the last stone to be turned, A needle scratched the surface, I don’t know where it’s gonna go…”
“Correct. Let’s get you fixed up here.” I place a small piece of folded paper; folded enough times to act like a folded business card.
“Pop! Snap! Pop!”
“Ok, you can rest.” I dock the iPod and Windows XP and iTunes come to check on iPod to see how it’s doing. I leave them all alone and head to kitchen, where I quickly down some Victory Gin. “God, sometimes I hate the things I must do. But it was for the best.”
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